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I was browsing the internet aimlessly, as you do, when I cam across a new word that fits perfectly with my experience today. Kvell. Have you heard it before? It’s a verb that means “to burst with pride”.

Last week Ewan started playschool and he has been an absolute legend. Up until now I would never have thought playschool would be his thing. Those that know him felt our anxiety and thought that while he might not settle straight away in time he would be okay with the idea. We had resolved ourselves for a rocky start but we kept saying the mantra “it’ll be good for him, it’ll be good for him”.

Well, we were all wrong. On his first day he ran in smiling and delved into a box of trucks. As for tears when I left, there was no such thing. He barely lifted his head to say good bye. I was dismissed with a flick  of the wrist and  a quick “bye” and that was it.

He is going to playschool for two days a week for two and a half hours which felt like an eternity when we signed him up but really it is over in the blink of an eye and I get about a third of things done that I have planned for that time. As for him even though he has there only been three times in his life it has quickly become his favourite place in the world!

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While he had an amazing time. I was a mess. Seeing him happy playing with toys before I left didn’t convince me that he would be fine. I thought a half an hour in and he would realise I was gone and be upset. It wasn’t until I went to collect him and he refused to come home with me that I believed he really is happy there, without me. And while a part of thinks,”well thanks it’s only two and a bit years we’ve spent together !” the other, larger, part of me is kvelling! (see I used my new word in a sentence:)

I love  that he defies what we had decided was his character. It annoys me when I hear myself explain his hiding by saying ” he’s just a bit shy” in an apologetic tone.  I think I’m concerned that the persons unanswered question, or  the”hello” that didn’t receive a reply requires some explaining and so for fear of causing offence I say “oh he’s a bit shy”. Shyness is nothing to apologies for  yet every now and again I find that tone slipping out. I remember once I said to Steve that he’s very shy and Steve said he isn’t anything yet. I was taken back our little man is loads of things! But what he meant is he isn’t anyone thing. He could be anything and any kind of person. He is two. It is far too early for him to be one kind of child or another. He is growing. He is learning. He is figuring out how to be in different settings, with different people who all engage with him differently. Life is tricky enough and so for the moment I’m relishing in the lesson that he has taught me by starting pre-school so easily. My little man can do just about anything and he will decide exactly how he wants to be when he wants! I know I’m definitely over kvelling now but I don’t even care!!

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